You see, I've diagnosed myself with everything in the book but there is one thing that I for sure have and that is: exoskeletalphobia. I can't do bugs that crunch when you kill them. And especially if they can jump or fly, your asking for a convulsive seizure from my end of the deal because I've already checked out.
I believe this fear started at my first trip to chickfila (which suprises me that I still enjoy this place). I was visiting some family friends and we had just received our food, dining in, when I felt an itch on the bottom of my leg. Low and behold a freaking cricket. Welcome cricketphobia. I shiver at the thought of it as I type this out. Atleast you can run from a snake. No matter which direction you choose, they just pivot and aim. UGH!
The worst of the fears: cockroaches. Not only do they echo because the crunch is extra loud. But did you know in texas, cockroaches have wings? This is no fairytale princess, this is freakin dawn of the dead. I no longer am interested in owning a lake house because of a terrible experience I had in a bathroom during a family vacation. Lets just say it started with a bubble bath and ended with an empty bottle of far aim RAID.
Grasshoppers and crickets are really bad in Oklahoma. During nursing school, we always kept our porch light on (for safety of course) and the bugs would SWARM! Dallas is just as bad. I noticed when I moved to SA, they don't really have much of a jumping/flying bug problem. Maybe just mosquitos...until this week. Me and Bricey took our anniversary trip to San Diego (a later post) and we come back to a chirping house. Thank goodness my hero (Bricey) was here this morning to flush the one in my bathroom. Side note: I did a double flush after he left just in case the booger decided to crawl up without anyone knowing (a frequent fear of mine). But after Bricey left, I noticed there was still the haunting music coming from my living room. I checked the closet, the music didn't get any louder. I opened my front door, nothing. So I decided maybe it was just coming from outside in the grass and went on about my business.
I got home later this evening and noticed the chirping again. I figured "the damn thing is probably waiting outside my front door so it can attack when I open it". So I decided not to open the door. The music continued getting louder, I thought this time "maybe behind the tv? Ehh I'll finish reading my blogs and look a little later" then I got up to look and by golly the damned exoskeleton had been creeping on me the whole time, waving antennas and all on the edge of the couch! Cue grand mal. I got the broom because you better believe I'm not getting armslength from that thing just so it can jump on me. World War II began. I've never thrown a 200 lb tv back so fast in my life. When we finished, I was sweating, living room a disaster, but the gangsta was gone. BOOM
I couldn't flush it in the toilet due to a long distance to the bathroom, I couldn't throw him in the trash due to the slight change he resurrected, so I opted for tossing his dead body on the cement outside my neighbors door. Happy Tuesday Neighbors!
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