Attention Seeker

When I did my clinical rotations in Psych, it was always easy to pick out the attention seekers. That guy that would yell PENISSS from across the room during group therapy or the girl that would constantly jump up and down the entire way from the cafeteria to the gym. Attention seekers. 

Why have I been in denial that there is one living in my household? Not B of course. That child is made of gold and comes straight from candyland. No flaws or imperfections. Although I'm searching long and hard for them. I'm talking about this gem. 

See those eyes. Don't let them fool you. He loves cameras. He acts like he hates them but when you break away he dies for more. Total attention seeking behavior, am I right? 

Now with humans, it's easy to deal with crazy penis behavior. You just ignore it! You don't pay attention to that shit. You don't react. It never happened. But it's hard to not react. It's like keeping a straight face when someone farts during quiet reading time. Close to impossible. It's even more impossible when the attention seeking behavior draws blood from your freaking arm. Sperrys signature move. Who wouldn't react to a nice hard paw, slashing through every ligament on the way down. 

I asked my vet what to do about this. Her answer, buy the claw protectors from petsmart. It's like a gel pad that fits over their nails. That seems silly to me but then again my only solution to seeking behavior thus far is ignoring.  That's getting near impossible considering tears and an occasional "FREAK OF NATURE" in all caps for a reason is not the quietest of reactions. 

My selfish fear? I'm going to be all tattooed up in claw markings for my wedding. I need to nip this in the bud quickly. Any ideas on how?

Number 23

I'm not fond of the number 23, I've never been. Don't know what it is about that number. Maybe it's just the way it looks. I feel like its an old age. I'd rather be 24. I think that sounds younger. 

Every birthday up until this one I've always wished to be older. Looking forward to the increasing number. Not this one. 

The day of my 23rd birthday was filled with a lot of old things. I woke up at 6:30 am. On my day off. And this, was sleeping in. I ate quinoa for breakfast. As my best friend Katie put it "your going to need to start beginning your day with fiber from now on", thanks friend, just trying to, you know, keep myself regular. I then went on a walk, not to the gym, a walk outdoors...around the neighborhood. Thankfully I haven't advanced yet into all white tennis shoes with a thick sole. I finished my afternoon shopping. What did I buy you ask? Soap. For the kitchen sink. Old. 

Katie encouraged me to stay out past my 9 o'clock bedtime. I was set on closing the bars down. Not letting a drink get me tired.  How did I handle the alcohol? Like a train smashed into my aging body and the caboose did a double take on the way out. 

So sweet Brice made me a smoothie this morning as I got out of bed in slow motion. We're headed to the lake now for some 4th of July festivities. No car talk about the heat outside, grease, and most importantly cheese, even though I want cheese, so the conversation is limited. We stopped at the gas station for some saltines. They tasted disgusting. Old. Just like me. 

Thanks for reading passed my run on sentences and nagging. I can't wait to be 24 and young again but I'm 100% positive that this will be the best year yet. 

A Not So Perfect Prayer Request

As B and I drove home from our weekend full of appointments in Dallas, we had one of our frequent discussions about religion. This discussion got me thinking. As a health care provider you see a lot, sometimes too much. Especially in pediatrics, you see things many people will go without seeing their whole life. Some may call this unfair, but I call it a gift. 

There was a reason I chose the profession I did. I connect with people, especially the little ones, which is why I chose pediatrics over adult care. I empathize on a level I believe most people cannot (but most health professionals can). Being able to provide care, in many cases, this being the worst circumstance in their life. Whether they chose or didnt choose me as their provider for these next 12 hours, I feel priveleged. In pediatric patients, most times, they don't understand what's happening, why its happening, and why them. I answer many questions during the day but this last one always gets me and is not necessarily my strength when it comes to nursing. I'm that nurse you see walking down the hallway with the most ridiculously biggest smile on her face. I try to keep the mood light and encourage and motivate not only my patients but also my coworkers. But I have my days. Why them? Why them, God? You hear "everything happens for a reason" but why children? Why so many? We have an entire floor, an entire hospital, devoted to children. All sick. All suffering. And I see that every day at work. Every week.

So I excuse myself to have a sob session in the bathroom. To let my body catch up with everything going on in my mind. Say a prayer for my patients and all sick patients. And although I can leave work, I don't leave those memories behind. I make memories with every child, every parent, every family member that is under my care. I beat myself up that tonight I can eat my dinner, through my mouth, and taste the food. I can sleep 8 hours with no pain in my limbs, with no monitors beeping, and know I won't be poked for a lab draw at 4 am. 

Many nurses say to just forget it, go on with your day. Do your job. Take care of those that need us. And move on. This is heard for me to do. I make relationships. Families depend on me. I try my hardest to go above and beyond. Make memories. Provide excellent care. I find it hard to just "move on"

So I'll write. Therapy. I have my doubts. But who doesn't right? It's my own walk with God and right now, today, I'm struggling. Not to say I don't believe but just trying to get through my own questions in my head. 

So after this gush of information I thought of in the car I felt The arms wrap around me. My head go over The right shoulder and, Embrace. Is this all in my head? Could be. But at this moment I couldn't fall if I tried. And when I finally feel at peace I get a pat on the back "you'll be fine Lauren", my body, or my body's Creator tells myself. And I open my eyes, and immediately the song Open the Eyes to my Heart Lord begins in my head. I notice the sunset and remind myself, "if there wasn't a God, no sunset could look like that". 

So I decided to focus on today. Taking the wedding at a steady pace. Going on a Facebook vacation for this week and focusing on what really matters. A relationship with The Lord, me, myself, and I. And maybe, just maybe I will receive some insight into my own questions and be able to feel at peace when I leave those precious souls at the end of a workday. 

What helps you to feel at peace? Do you repeat a mantra? Pray for your patients? Move on? Let me know. And I could use a prayer to. If you have an extra minute. I could really use one today. I appreciate you :)

This is my obsession

Getting a dog is by far one of the best decisions B and I have made so far, besides the proposal obviously ;). Sperry is one of the worlds greatest greeters. In fact he takes it on as a profession while we're at Petsmart, sitting at the front of the store greeting other dogs as they come in to shop. The other day I came home while B was out. We've been leaving Sperry out for a few hours at a time so he can get used to being on his own in the house all while obeying the rules. I walked in the door and he was laying on his pillow, really gettin at his toy. Enjoying it so much that he did a double take when I walked in the house. He was so surprise, and excited to see me. His oh so pointy ears slick all the way back and his super fluffy tail goin 90 to nothin as he grips one of my legs with both of his in a nice tight hug. 

I've really gotten used to him laying in the bathroom as I shower. It's a protective thing in my prospective. I love havin my boy in my presence just as much as he loves me in his. Today as I was taking a shower. I look out of the curtain to make sure he was there. He was. In the middle of the floor asleep. Sweet boy. He loves his momma. When I turned the water off and opened the curtain, this is how I found him. 

He still thinks he's a small pup. So much in fact, that he thought he could take up a little of the bath mat, leaving some room for me to dry my feet. Our definitions of "some room" are obviously different. 

He is ornery the majority of the time and I diagnosed him with a psychosocial disorder with a serious attention seeking behavior. The other day, B came home from work to find him like this

Find all the things wrong with this picture. Green ball in his water bowl, the turf potty may ripped to pieces, the towel from the oven on the floor, his friends Squirrel, Fox, and Bear whom apparently escaped from the scene. And Sperrys innocent look on his face, priceless. 

He loves riding in the car. Finding all the cute ways to pose while mom takes pictures. 

I love my boy. I really do. I'm glad we got a "big" dog. And giggle to myself whenever I see a tiny dog. We think of him as a person. He talks, and has such a personality. We love him to death. Can you imagine us when we have kids? These posts might get annoying real quit. Thanks for staying tuned until the end, all two of you out there :)

Not So Green Thumb

I'm posting this to pinterest fail, one of the funniest websites I've seen and somewhere that keeps me occupied and laughing my entire day off.

Most of you saw the post to Facebook of my recent Sunday craft, an herb garden for our kitchen.

Well folks, it really is true, I tested the theory to find out, plants REALLY DO need sunlight to grow. Next time maybe I won't use the darkest corner of the house. Until then, I'm painting my thumb yellow and blue because obviously green does not come naturally.

Here are my plants the day I planted them

And here are their poor souls now :(

Pinterest. Fail. 

Love boat

So many changes have happened since the new year! Bricey took a new job here in San Antonio and moved here in January. I couldn't be any happier coming home to him every night.  We're currently looking for houses because our new puppy, Sperry, a Siberian husky is growing fast. Better him then me!

I love days off with Sperry, although he's used to the mornings I work, getting up at 5:00 ready to party. He's still in the stages of sleeping all day and when he's awake he's biting the entire time. I think Brice and I have officially read every website about how to train your dog how to: potty outside, stop biting skin, stop humping, say I love you, catch a frisbee, sleep all night, relieve gas. We're google masters in this house.

This morning Sperry bear had just eaten and I was in the bathroom getting ready. It had gotten really quiet. With several years of babysitting under my belt I knew what this meant. He was up to no good. I searched for him and sure enough he had found dessert in my bedroom, my iPhone charger. He loves that thing! So I grab him by him waist, also where the stomach can be found and he couldn't have puked any faster. Full kibble bites and all. Don't worry though he's fully capable of cleaning up after himself.

Currently, as I'm typing this, Sperry woke from his 3rd afternoon nap to pee on the living room floor. I swear if you don't get him out the door the second all four paws hit the floor, he's not going to wait for you. Patience is a virtue, I guess Sperry and I are lacking in that virtue. He also loves to walk through the urine allowing us to track back to his original puddle. Sweet soul for thinking of a homemade GPS device.

We love our pup though. He's such a snuggle bug. We're ready for him to meet his aunty jaden. Just hope that her craziness is not genetic...or contagious.

Hope I can update this blog more often now that our life has somewhat settled :) still waiting for the official settling to occur.